Do you ever read something and it makes you so happy that you want to squeal with delight, but you can’t because you’re at work and squealing with delight is liable to be disruptive in your shared workspace? Well, that happened to me today when I read this on the NY Times Well Blog.
It may sound counterintuitive, but people who spend more of their day having deep discussions and less time engaging in small talk seem to be happier, said Matthias Mehl, a psychologist at the University of Arizona who published a study on the subject.
“We found this so interesting, because it could have gone the other way — it could have been, ‘Don’t worry, be happy’ — as long as you surf on the shallow level of life you’re happy, and if you go into the existential depths you’ll be unhappy,” Dr. Mehl said.
But, he proposed, substantive conversation seemed to hold the key to happiness for two main reasons: both because human beings are driven to find and create meaning in their lives, and because we are social animals who want and need to connect with other people. (emphasis added)
What better possible venue than healthcare for deep conversations? Talk Deeply, Be Happy
185 Comments
This is great. I find that making meaningful connections generally increases my sense of meaning while small talk increases a feeling of isolation. Deliberately reaching out to others to connect on a different level both boosts that person’s mood as well as making you feel better about yourself at the same time. Great post.
Thanks a lot..
After more than 25 years of being a therapist and workshop facilitator it is a pure delight to see the research being done that shows it is depth rather than shallow interactions that generate happiness.
We as human being are “meaning searchers”. It is our very nature to look for meaning in all things and it is through the exploration and sharing of the meaning we find that we build deep relational bonds.
Through these bonds we find a sense of belonging and safety.
Positive thinking is pleasant but not stimulating in the way we need in order for our lives to have meaning. Keep digging deeper, because below the ‘muck’ there’s gold in the form of joy!
Dov Baron…
Good to hear that. I agree to you M. Sometimes you have to left things behind, worries and everything that makes you depressed. It feels great to be happy.
a good post.thank you ,you really did a great job!i will share it with my friends
Great post, seeing this my thought go throw every where!
I hope everyone feels encouraged by this to venture into discussions where they can learn and make meaningful connections instead of feeling afraid of looking foolish or offending someone. It seems like one of those two always keeps things at the ‘socially acceptable’ level which in turn means it’s too cautious to have much meaning…
Excellent post,existentialism brings up interesting questions about ethics and the nature of our existence. For one thing, it’s unclear whether actions do have an intrinsic moral nature and where in lies the source of existential anxiety if they do not.
Awesome post. Love hearing about psychology studies like this. That little blurb immediately brought the book, A Man’s Search for Meaning, to mind. Check it out if you haven’t. It is a seriously inspiring read. Annnd it just might spark some of that “deep discussion” we all could use a little more of. Cheers!
thanks for your share,as long as you surf on the shallow level of life you’re happy, and if you go into the existential depths you’ll be unhappy.
I don’t agree with this position. I think there is a happy medium of exploring the deeper meaning of life but not dwelling on seeking answers that can’t be proven. Perhaps that’s why fly-fishing is an intellectually stimulating past time for so many highly educated thinkers. Fly fishing allows the enthusiast to completely immerse him/herself with the science of entomology, water flows and temperatures, materials and tools while also rewarding the fisherman 50 feet up the river bank who merely through a piece of fuzz toward a fish…
This is my first post.I really like this blog..nice to meet youI’m reading this post from my I-Phone and it looks great!
I like your writing style and you make some excellent points.
Existentialism did not die out along with student riots, free love, and LSD. Actually in recent years it has made a resurgence in, of all places, psychotherapy and coaching.
I know that squealing feeling: sometimes my buyers have it when they get a deal especially when it was multiple offers. Real estate (any sales for that matter) is mostly psychology, this article gives great insight.
Maggie,
I’m curious why you chose to use “Existentialism” in our title. For 16 years, I taught high school English. I always associated the term with philosophers such as Nietzsche who believed each individual was solely responsible for giving life purpose.
Naturally, muttering the word existentialism conjures up **deep, meaningful & sometimes heated discussion all right (albeit creation vs evolution)**
Aside from philosophical discussion, here’s what instantly comes to my mind regarding your post: To what degree are (we) becoming a soundbite society limiting discussion to 140 characters or less?
This is my concern. For years, I experienced kids’ disdain for reading, writing & thinking.
They preferred watching the movie over reading the book. And then the Internet debuted and I was forced to find Copyscape very quickly.
I’m out of the classroom now working real estate. Yet, I see young people (and certainly not just young people) staring at their ‘smartphones’ all day long, preferring to text and email…rather than sit down face to face and engage in discussion.
If you do manage to engage someone today, it’s as if they suffer from withdrawal – desperately needing to sneak a peek at their ‘smartphone’ for texts, emails, calls.
When I talk with teacher buddies still teaching, I hear of classrooms different from just a few years ago when I changed careers.
I hope the need to connect with other human beings does not occur at the expense of deeper, meaningful discussion.
Something to ponder or research
Mike
Mike
You make a really good point. I was a little quick to use the word existentialism as a stand-in for meditation or philosophical debate. It isn’t the right word. But it had a poetic, lyrical quality to it that won me over the mad rush to name a blog post. I’m glad you questioned it. It got me started on an internet rabbit chase across a number of sites and some interesting posts. I wouldn’t say I’m better prepared for the next conversation about existentialism I find myself in, but I would say I’m more aware of how little I know.
Maggie
I couldn’t agree more myself, but as a point of interest and maybe some contradiction (that I give no value to), I am related by marriage to an overwhelming group of ‘meaningless shallow chatterers’ and have to withdraw to myself and wish the floor would open and swallow them all. And burp after the meal.
Like the initial comments from Matthias Mehl, I can only accept the value of conversation that stretches the mind, the imagination, credulity or even humour. Nothing better that a ‘mental stretch’. myself I am extremely innovative and just love the ‘what-if’ scenario of verbal joust. I even enjoy being an audience to skilled orators that are tearing down a converation.
Far better than the ton of frivolous trash that seems to pervade most of my social existence.
Postulate more.
Yes, we humans need to interact with each other to be fully happy. We are not a island, right?
Thanks for sharing this.
Tiago C. Simões
nice thank”s lot
There is no doubt we feel a need to connect with each other on a deeper level. We were made to feel that way. You see so many times people that go through life living by the moment and not having a deeper goal often end up with regrets.
I was thinking about your blog post yesterday I I was visiting with some parents during the first few practices of 6th grade football. Observing the lack of substantive conversations which seemed to be very entrertaining to all involved. I wonder in these groups when the Health Care talks begin…
I must say I agree low level conversation leaves me wanting and after an in depth conversation I go away very satisfied.
Nothing lifts me up like hours of great conversation with my high minded friends other than when we add a glass of wine to the mix.
CHEERS!
I think this concept is awesome! I am a huge believer in group think. I am seeing more and more offices utilizing group think and office meetings to problem solve business issues. The small talk or exclusion I feel leads ppl to not only feel isolated but unimportant. Group think is a great way for ppl to express themselves, bounce ideas around, and feel good about being a part of something!
I agree 100% I mean I was in my house for 3 days once last week, I went nuts and very sad, Im glad I have a son to go to chucky cheese, lol however we need to talk, laugh and play, one good thing I stated 3 days ago, is to run at 7am for 20-30 mins and listen to the secret DVD in my I-phone oh my god, this is helping alot to stay positive….
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Well, in my opinion, people don’t like to discuss deeply cause they are afraid about what they can find there! I always get a bit sad after read Nietsche for example. Discover deeply, is dicover the dark side.
The ignorance sometimes is a gift!
That’s great. I know I like deeper versus shallow conversations, but I thought I was way in the minority. I agree that we all have the need to create meaning in life and on top of that I think we all long to contribute as well.
So you made a good contribution with your post – Thank YOU!!
I find it interesting that the term “bedside manner” when referring to the qualities of a good Doctor usually really mean he/she communicates at a level which increases understanding, and forms a connection.
So ponder deep thoughts and be happy is the key to a happier healthier life, according to Matthias Mehl,anyway?
I guess that’s something to think about. Now if I can just get that song out of my head, you know the one with all the whistling. . . “don’t worry, be happy.”
Clair
Although deep conversations leading to more happiness may sound counterintuitive to some, I didn’t need research to tell me it’s true for me. My own experience has always been that I have more energy and feel better when I regularly engage in good conversation. Nice to know this works for others too.
yes i agree, good conversations also lead to peace of mind and happiness.
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I agree with this article. I don’t get much out of small talk. I like to dig deep and understand what people are thinking and how to related with them on different levels.
Anytime I’m out surfing, it’s like hey how you doing to the other surfers in the line up. Not much more than that… And you sit next to that person(s) catching waves for the next few hours… Interesting….
I definitely agree with this, but then I’m just a sample of one
I’ve never liked small talk, but always love to dive deep and get into core issues and paradoxes.
A good find! It is nice to read some confirmation of what I also feel to be true. I see so many people who are unhappy but can’t quite put their finger on why and often it is linked to ‘surface’ living.
Having a meaningful and balanced life balanced life is surely a part of the happiness we all seek.
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I believe that deep conversation with meaningful content makes for happier relationships. In my business which involves marketing and Real state I get a ton of meaningless “chit chat” and it does not lead to any level of happiness. But that’s my humble personal opinion.
I find this result to be very interesting. I do relate to the results, as I’m generally not a small talker.
Ken
I think ultimately humans are very social beings and to maintain happiness, a balance of various factors are required. But it is an interesting observation noted in the article.
“surfing on the shallow levels of life and being happy”, is this not a happiness at a shallow level. This is like an illusion, you think you are happy because you are not aware of the depths of life. Where as according to my experience, true happiness comes from being aware of the truth of life.
I am a huge believer in group think. I am seeing more and more offices and they are using it in big ways to cut big problems.
We actually use it our Real Estate company to solve ongoing issues…
Here’s what instantly comes to mind regarding this post. That we are becoming a society limiting discussion to soundbites. We need need to connect with each other on a deeper level, There is no doubt it. So many people go through their life living by the moment. Many times they often end up with regrets.
Real state I get a ton of meaningless “chit chat” and it does not lead to any level of happiness. But that’s my humble personal opinion.
I used to play in the courtyard with my neighbors, kids like me. I am 36 now, with some decent social skills. Kids today play online mostly, spending less time “together”. I mean, they feel “together” bu reading Facebook updates, sending messages via YM or other messenger services. Relationships are thinner today and soon we will have a generation of 36ers that will have less social skills…sadly enough.
Interesting post but I usually don’t like these studies because it assumes that this applies to more people than it really does.
I always question how the study was conducted, the test groups, etc.
When they start doing studies that test a large group of different and diverse people, I have more of a tendency to believe it.
But this was an interesting post nonetheless.
Great Post! I’ve noticed, if I awake in the morning and engage in small talk with my wife about current events, I tend to have a better day.
thanks for this share!
I think we feel happier, because of approval which we get from others.
As Dr. Mehl said “we are social animals who want and need to connect with other people”
we can say: “we are social animals who want and NEED approval from other people”
it’s my opinion
Good luck!
I agree with this article. I don’t get much out of small talk. I like to dig deep and understand what people are thinking and how to related with them on different levels.
I like “Don’t worry, be happy”. Today many people is so serious and not happy on their life. Just relax and you will feel happier.
So, you think that shy people who don’t open up, lack the ability to be happy? Or, how about the monks who devote their life to solitude.
I don’t agree with this article… There are plenty of happy people in the world that all they do is small talk… Heck, look at the surfing population… All we do is small talk…
This article so amazing and we are all human to understand what that means. Everybody needs somebody and as they say “no man is an island”.
It is not surprising that deeper connections lead to increased happiness. Superficial conversations probably have little impact on mood because they have little impact on us. We’re not internalizing or engaging in any way. That being said, I do agree with the reasons that you highlighted. I would like to see the study go a bit deeper into the effects of various kinds of deep discussions.
What is communication without understanding? Idle chatter.
If all a person does is engage in meaningless small talk then all they will have is meaningless relationships.
Thanks Maggie
I think what made you happy was an “ahah moment”. However I have to say that deeper conversations also makes me happy. I find myself very unhappy if I don’t get my regular deep conversation fixes. I think the depth of conversation has to do with the company we choose to keep.
I think it depends on the personality of the person your talking about. I know people who are happy being alone. For myself i’m just the opposite
i love the article is going to change other people. so that they know how to be happy to.
Score one on the side of depth! How we define “deep conversation” may be different for each one of us. I have been in relationships in which was unsatisfied with the depth of connection – not deep enough – and I have been with people who considered me shallow (I never understood that! Maybe that’s a sign of my shallow nature?) My wife now and I share a need for a similar amount of connection, which is, at last, a relief.
My vote for the best book on being yourself and functioning at your natural best is the book Come To Your Senses, by Stanley H. Block, MD. http://www.MindBodyBridging.com is his website.
I suspect this phenomenon may have connections to the neuroscience of happiness. Heather Urry and associates correlated higher levels of meaning making with left prefrontal activation, which is also activated during meditation. Not incidentally, this left prefrontal activate was also correlated with higher levels of happiness.
While this is an interesting finding, we have to face the fact that – lamentably – the majority of people in this country simply don’t operate on a deep level and have no interest in doing so. As the political scientist Richard Hofstadter wrote years ago, the U.S. is in many ways an anti-intellectual society.
A classic example of this comes from my local community. Millions of dollars were spent to construct an expansive park complex, consisting largely of football fields and baseball diamonds. As I write this, crews are installing irrigation pipes for a further set of four little-league fields. Meanwhile, our libraries are all operating on reduced opening schedules due to budget cuts. Excuse my French, but what the hell is wrong with this picture? American society values prowess on the football field more highly than engagement with ideas.
Now having said all that, if the jocks among us derive genuine satisfaction from their athletic activities, then we cannot discount their route to happiness. Different strokes for different folks!
Meaningful conversation can truly lead to increased happiness. I had to chuckle at the last sentence, however. Sometimes discussions about health care can raise blood pressure and stress levels! Good post though.
I think a lot of people could use the help of a school psychologist early on. Such intervention might set them on the right track when it comes to problems like the ones presented.
yes, I always remember the lesson that says that humans are social creatures, because for some important things we can not live alone. ~ Sosial dan Budaya
Mass recovery in single-person, individual, getting their own property, dissolution of their personal freedom, is breaking through to the state. Single people are missing. Is an ordinary person in the mass. The only people getting any party’s personal responsibility, a partnership, a corporation, in any collective scheme is eliminated.
Modern humans, the birth of a public hospital clinic in the world comes from there into the slot, from slot to school, then goes to either a factory or an office. Modern man does not maintaining their own lives now. Most times its not even death itself. This development is not without reason. First, you want equal rights to all citizens, a major reason for this development. No superiority, no longer be folded olağandışıya. Deleting all of them in a pen. Another reason: strong desire, the power to request access.
I couldn’t agree more regarding the dual drives or motivators for human beings. This article is also good news for me, as I’ve always preferred meaningful conversations over idle chatter naturally.
I’m disappointed to hear in one of the comments that the U.S. is one of the most shallow societies in the world. Not surprised, but maybe we can take small steps together to make some change in this area.
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Hello, nice post that you have, in fact rarely ever felt the language in depth, while working, that there is only pressure from superiors, at home and sharing with friends, maybe that’s one way that pleases us
So interesting blog. Short but meaningful. Can’t wait to read the next post. Keep up.
Dear Help me,
I am confused about your post, please clarify.
Francescad
I’ve read Jean-Paul Sartre, Simone De Bouvoir and Victor Frankl. In fact, I’ve explored this concept deeply during my coaching sessions with Rosalene Glickman, Ph.D., author of Optimal Thinking: How to Be Your Best Self. The optimal thinking paradigm – Accept, Understand, Optimize – has been my fail-safe roadmap for my personal development and career mastery. I look forward to your responses.
As people go about their mundane lives they find happiness when they are able to sound ‘important’. Deep conversations allow this feeling of self intelligence. We ponder for hours after the deep ones exploring other outcomes of the same conversation in our minds, giving us something worthwhile to think about instead of our mundane lives!
I’ve gone through this article and seems really good…keep posting more articles as like it:)
I’m a huge fan of using Positive Quotes from Historical Figures as part of my conversations, I find that it helps me go deeper with people as the words of the wise leaders from the past seem to inspire deep thoughts…
For what it’s worth, I’ve been doing this for years now and it makes a huge difference in the overall satisfaction in the exchange, so i can say first hand that what you’re saying is definitely true from my perspective…
I find myself sometimes being too much of a talker, but I agree with some of the above posters. It not only makes you feel more important, but also more connected to our society as a whole! Conversation certainly separates us from other living things.
I recently went to a Tony Robbins seminar and he made a similar point: that it is more socially acceptable to be negative and sullen than to jump up and down for joy!
Oli Hille
This is a great post. I have to agree that more shallow talks with so many people doesn’t necessarily mean better. Talking deep to lesser people can actually add better meaning to our lives plus we build good and healthy friendship through such practice too.
I completely agree with your comment – good feedback.
you’re right, talk deeply be happy
How we define “deep conversation” may be different for each one of us. Yet meaningful conversation can truly lead to increased happiness. Thank you for this great post!
I for one get a feeling of really being alive and connected when involved in a substantive discussion with a fellow human being and the topic isn’t that important. The discourse is!
One of the hardest things, I’ve found, is to be in a relationship of any type (work, family, etc.) where the other person just doesn’t understand me at all. This, of course, leads to superficial, and very unsatisfying, communication.
Pamela
I notice this is true even for my 8 month old – he needs to be social to be happy. A fundamental human requirement methinks
thanks for your share, Short but meaningful.
You made me think about some things with this post. I’m going to take the article and your post to write an article on my blog in the Netherlands, thanks!
Yes, relationships require hard work and communication if they are to be satisfying.
I have had that happy feeling that just shout. Actually I told one of my sales people if you sell x amount this month I will dance on your desk. It was just a joke but she did it and so did I.
I think we need to have the ability to laugh and rejoice at work. It makes our work life more enjoyable. Remembering we spend a great deal of our life at work, so lets enjoy it.
What a great post. Short but very insightful.
I loved the message. I agree.
What a great post. I can really relate to the idea “so happy that you want to squeal with delight”.
I find the study interesting. It shows that people are searching for a meaningful life. Not just “how are you doing” but a deeper understanding of one another.
I have found that employees who know their fellow employees tend to treat the customer better. I think it is because they know and trust who they work with and that makes them feel empowered to do what is best for the customer.
Great post. Thank you for sharing information. Good luck. Keep posting
~ Sehat
Thank you for taking this opportunity to converse about this, I feel strongly about it and I like learning about this subject. If possible, as you gain data, please update this blog with new information
I am a huge believer in group think. I am seeing more and more offices and they are using it in big ways to cut big problems.
We actually use it our Real Estate company to solve ongoing issues…
Thanks a lot for the article.
Single people are missing. Is an ordinary person in the mass. The only people getting any party’s personal responsibility, a partnership, a corporation, in any collective scheme is eliminated.
I was thinking about your blog post yesterday I I was visiting with some parents during the first few practices of 6th grade football. Observing the lack of substantive conversations which seemed to be very entrertaining to all involved. I wonder in these groups when the Health Care talks begin…
But is it not true that the simplest truths are also often the deepest?
Surely that would depend on what you were deeply discussing!
If you differing views and it ended up in an argument it wouldn´t make you feel too happy surely.
this is very true and it´s happens to me constantly , because in my social circles generally people speak of trivial things and I always look for a way to give depth to the conversation and gives exactly what you say,
I’m happier than all =)
thank you for this information this made me even happier…
Yeah definitely. Deep discussion builds more meaningful relationships over just small talks. People are much happier when we can relate to one another. Small talks normally leads to gossips.
It is culture that unites People,Tribes, Communities and Nations.Deep thought philosophies,arts,literature,music are the connecting link between differences.So I’m all for having a deep discussion, more than engaging in a shallow smalltalk conversation….
What a great post. Short but very insightful.
I loved the message. I agree.
So true. Humans are made for relationships, casual conversations are just quite meaningless.
Yeah I have had days when I felt more satisfied at work because I have engaged in a deeper conversation at work than just simply working like a machine.
Totally, wouldn’t it be awesome if workplace could organise some sort of break where everyone goes and talk to someone different everyday. How cool would that be, the productivity will surely increase tremendously.
Satisfying job really comes down to the people you work with. I stayed longer at my job where I get along with my colleagues more.
I felt happier and more involved when people are getting on together and help each other out.
Workplace should be fun and more interactions between all staff. Engaging in deeper conversations brings us all closer together.
Thanks for this great post. How cool would it be if the workplace is in sync with one another because everyone knows everyone intimately.
Absolutely 100% agree. Relationships are formed through communication, without it, we are simply existing to one another.
The hardest thing of all is relationship and yet it is the relationshiops we desire the most. Communication is the key to unlock meaningful relationships.
Truth is we all feel a need to connect with each other on a deeper level. We were made to feel that way. Living the moment rather than passing it by. Conversations help to satisfy our need for companions.
I have always believed that the value of life is centered on deep experiences rather than shallow ones. It is about time somebody like Dr. Mehl came along and set us up with the information leading to a happier existence.
That is an important information. Humans need connection, that is something, specially today, in a so busy world,vital for a person to feel well.
This is a very good post.Ver yinformative read and it makes a lot of sense.Thanks
Its true! Usually when I’m in a deep conversation with someone its the happiest I am. I didn’t even realize until now
Further reflection leads me to realize the interdependency of human beings…given this…it makes perfect sense that a deeper connection would lead to greater happiness. The connection is a need on many levels – - make connections more complex and meaningful and life becomes more so.
I hope everyone feels encouraged by this to venture into discussions where they can learn and make meaningful connections instead of feeling afraid of looking foolish or offending someone. How cool would that be, the productivity will surely increase tremendously.
I heard it on the NY Times Well Blog too and I heard it the 2nd time here
Thanks for post, i understand that exactly. =)
I believe happiness Is just how you feel when your desires are fulfilled. For the poor in a third world country, it can be just getting that next meal in his belly that can bring the most ultimate of happiness. So consider your place on this planet and I am sure if you live in the USA, your happiness shouls be the ultimate.
Whenever you dwell on answers that may never be explained, you better have a huge amount of time on your hands. Cafe shops will accommodate you. heehe j/k. Existentialist ennui is what makes the modern day philosopher appreciated.
People that are able to interact with others with out turmoil are indeed prone to better happiness and as a result joyousness!
whenever am depressed, I just count my blessings and thank God that I have perfect health, I don’t have defects, I don’t slept at the street, eat at the leftover foods in the garbage, and do hard labor just to earn small amount, that I am not in the hospital suffering from dreadful disease and that I am not living under dictatorship
It seems like one of those two always keeps things at the ‘socially acceptable’ level which in turn means it’s too cautious to have much meaning. I hope everyone feels encouraged by this and ventures into discussions where they can learn and make meaningful connections instead of feeling afraid of looking foolish or offending someone.
I agree that a deep conversation with the right person at the right time can do wonders for your well being.
But lets not forget that five minutes of small talk and light banter with someone who makes you smile is as uplifting for the soul as a so called “deep conversation” with someone who bores the living daylights out of you is a suffocating drain on your very life force.
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When we seek a deeper meaning for something anything it can only create benefits for all involved in the discussion. Some of the greatest men in history spent most of their time wanting to understand their fellow man and seeking in earnest his opinions on one thing or another. How can new things be discovered if deep thought and discussion is not applied to the subject. Great to hear the art of conversation is not dead!
Hey, I found this site through yahoo. I love your blog.lot of stuff here for discussion. Will be back really soon!
Phew! Finally! I really like having existential discussions with friends… but thought I was just making myself unhappy by thinking too much. Good to hear the opposite.
Well, the exact same thing happened to me about a week ago when I heard about a case hearing in my favor. Small talk or big talk, we are eventually just socializing, aren’t we?
This post is very informative and interactive. I like the way you did this. Thanks for posting.
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Nice post you shared with us. Thanks.
david
It is our very nature to look for meaning in all things and it is through the exploration and sharing of the meaning we find that we build deep relational bonds.
I think this article went way over my head.
Thanks for the information about Science Service. I have been meaning to find out more info on this subject earlier in the year but glad I read it today.
One of the most important principles of WEB 2.0 is participation
It is our very nature to look for the meaning of things and it is through the exploration of the meaning we find that we will build relationships.
Expressing emotions is a fundamental human concept. It’s good to express joy and if the social situation deems it unfitting, so be it. It’s good for the soul after all.
To stay motivated I have created a routine that keeps me going by a set daily goals that will lead to a 20 year goal. Also, I have a self-help/ motivational blog that I post twice daily on with a themed schedule I keep. http://elevatedcontinuum.com
I really like having existential discussions with friends… but thought I was just making myself unhappy by thinking too much.
To me small talk you seem to have a lot of time where no one is saying anything. When you are in a deep conversation it is just the opposite. I like to have a good conversation one that makes a deep connection.
QUOTE:
One of the most important principles of WEB 2.0
is participation
Yep =)
To simply find those purposes of meaning have discussions of purpose an meaning, it a fairly easy concept.
For me, it’s more about the sharing of personal information that you can only get with a deep conversation. Thought provoking post…love it!
a quality of small talk and sharing of culture, information, businesses, etc are getting smaller everyday, thanks to web 2.0 platform
I often do this especially when i am really drained from work.
Excellent post on existentialism. Well put!
Great post here really. I agree that we as human beings, need to connect to people. We need to belong, need to be loved, and to love. This is what we are made for =)
Cheers!
I always look for a way to give depth to the conversation and gives exactly what you say.
i seem to always get into debates with my close friends about the topic of existentialism. it’s always good to read up on it from time to time. thank you
Our ability to have a real conversation is being stretched thinner and thinner when we are constantly tethered to our smartphone which allows us to tweet and post. If I have a conversation that is longer than 140 characters, I call it a good day.
Nice post,a quality of small talk and sharing of culture, information, businesses, etc are getting smaller everyday, thanks to web 2.0 platform
I love to have deep conversation and find it very rewarding. I also find that other people enjoy it quite a bit too.
Small talk is a means to an end for me. I always enjoy the moment when a real engagement takes place with whoever I am conversing with, and small talk becomes a “heart to heart”. I do believe that the benefit comes from the way a real discussion becomes so absorbing that one loses oneself within the intensity of the conversation. It takes you out of the workaday and you do feel better for it!
I could indulge myself and celebrate. However, I have observed that people who spend more of their day having deep discussions are not all exhibiting the same termometer of happiness. I,ve seen happy ones and apathetic ones. The same I have observed with people engaging in small talk. Are not the variables too difuse? Maybe happiness is something to do more with an emotional attitude than with our capacity to engage in deep or swallow conversations! Even if some of us would love to believe otherwise.
While it is important for most folks to be able to vent (at least a little), most of the time I can’t stand all of the petty small talk that comes out of people’s mouths. As I have grown older I find more and more that personal meditation time is much more enthralling.
Yes thats absolutely correct that by practicing yoga and meditation anyone can cure their decease,can attain peace and harmony in their life, but it should be done under expert’s supervision, that can give very better result.
Thank you very much for sharing this useful article.
Very interesting, I agree that human beings are driven to find and create meaning in their lives, and because we are social animals who want and need to connect with other people.
I found this very interesting and informative.
In my carreer and coaching lessons I find that longer, deep talks about the matter are good for several reasons. They clear people minds (about the issue), provoke future research (and better results) and at the same end the frustration individuals have.
While I do allow small talk in the office I am recommending my coworkers that they postpone it to lunch time. As coach I suggest the same to clients.
Matt S Rinc
Yes, I often have the same reaction. And deep discussion definitely balances me much more than small talk. Nothing is worse than small talk at a social gathering!
Existentialism is my purpose for living
Joe –
I wish it were as easy for some of us to accepted these concepts. However, people like myself who suffer from mental disorders just cannot think in such an existentialist attitude. I’m glad it works for some people though.
This was a very concise yet on the point article post that I enjoyed reading.
This article has certainly attracted mixed opinion. I enjoy a deep conversation but can be just as happy enjoying small talk. It depends on my mood at the time.
Good point, I’ve never seen a cheerful monk
Yeh mood elevates our behavior. Its the perfect reflection of our actions too. I like this article.
“But, he proposed, substantive conversation seemed to hold the key to happiness for two main reasons: both because human beings are driven to find and create meaning in their lives, and because we are social animals who want and need to connect with other people.”
I’m not sure I entirely agree. Not all ‘happinesses’ are created equal.
There is fleeting happiness, which is what is being described here, and there is enduring happiness, which can linger for days, months, years, even a lifetime. It’s a feeling of ‘everything is right with the world’ in the midst of rising flood waters, it’s a feeling of ‘it’s good to be alive’ in the eye of a cyclone, it’s a feeling of ‘good times will come again’ in the midst of a bushfire.
You might like to call it incurable optimism and wallow in semantics, but it is this form of global happiness we should all strive for. And sorry, mere deep conversation just doesn’t cut it!
It’s often said that to be happy simply decide to be happy. And this works. By try telling that to a chronic depressive. It just has no permanence.
The truth is; enduring happiness is inexorably linked to control issues. You will always feel happy when you believe you’re are in control of your life. You will always feel miserable when you feel life is beyond your control. So much so, that you will eventually gravitate to thoughts of suicide if your feelings of being ‘out of control’ are harbored for an extended period of time.
The grand scheme for the entire planet is to have the majority of its inhabitants consciously muster, for the most part, feelings of being alive and in control. And strangely, the more this is effected, the more it occurs in the corporeal. Unfortunately, our earthly society is currently geared in entirely the opposite direction.
Look sorry for chewing your ear off. It’s just that this is such an interesting topic. Hi5!
I can definitely attest to these methods. I have recently started using what I call the small plate diet. I just use my children plates instead of normal dinner plates, and I feel great. I have lost several pounds over the last few weeks.
Yeh mood elevates our behavior. Its the perfect reflection of our actions too. I like this article.
Interesting article but my opinion is mixed. I agree that having a long conversation compared to a brief one makes me happy depending on the subject and who i’m talking too but on the flip side, a brief comment in passing or a compliment would just give me the same satisfaction.
Talking out ones own feelings and thoughts will lighten the heart and take the burden of worry from the individual. People who think that their feelings and thoughts are their own property and not feeling the necessity to share with others suffer a lot emotionally.
Thanks for the wonderful post. I love having deep, serious conversations with people especially those who are close to me. I feel happy and satisfied after every talk.
I agree. Humans seek out meaning as a means to better understand their environment and surroundings. By creating meaning, we become more comfortable in our own skin, thus keeping us from worrying too much about things we can’t understand.
I agree we are social animals who want and need to connect with other people, but unless you find someone you truly connect with, deep discussions tend to drive people apart quickly. I don’t see why you can’t squeal at with delight at work as long as its not too loud and not too long! Spreads good cheer too. At least that’s what I think.
Having deep, serious conversations with people will certainly add to happiness if a posivive emotional attitude goes with it. Otherwise, happiness will run away no matter the level of depth.
I always wondered why I was happier after a meaningful conversation and so unhappy when discussing mindless dribble.
In my case, I usually find chances to express my happiness….
this article is on point and give’s value to the answer’s.
Deep conversation has always been the stimulus for positive mental attitude. The problem today is too many people are more interested in texting messages on cell phones rather than sitting down and enjoying the company of like minded individuals.
This is heartening news. I’ve always thought that the frivolous among us are the happiest people for the very reason that they aren’t deep thinkers, but when you think about it, the results of this research do make since. We do need to make sense of our lives, and there is nothing more enjoyable than having a deep conversation over a bottle of good wine.
I agree with this. I usually have pretty long conversations on a daily basis and find that it’s pretty gratifying.
I wonder whether or not it’s really just the person listening who receives the most benefit. The talker, if the conversation is meaninful, is obviously, at least partially, venting in a manner. But the listener, if the conversation is meaningful to him/her seems to be the one who would prevail in the enjoyment category. He/she is receiving important, pertinent information while, at the same time, not having to contribute all that much. I guess it’s my introverted nature but I love those types of conversations myself. I just wish everyone did.
im dont agree that we are social animals but any way Thanks for the good post
Healthcare is like can of worms you do not really want to open for the worry that someone is just going to tell you how one of his relative can not get healthcare because…
This is no secret. Small talk is cheap! Real value comes from deep conversation and deep conversation leads to a healthier peace of mind. Thanks for the article.
Maybe, it’s just me but I don’t find it counterintuitive. When we engage the higher parts of our mind, of course we’re happier.